do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
