either way he was missing a nipple.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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