nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How does it feel to date your dad?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
