You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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