My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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