ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
