I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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