I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
