This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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