I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
