I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
