whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
