I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
