if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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