Pregnant stripper...not hot.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
