I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
