He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
