My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
