I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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