I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
soo... how was my night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
