we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
