I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
