i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
