i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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