i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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