I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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