No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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