my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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