I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
