So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
