i don't like sucking hair
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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