Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
