So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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