AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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