you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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