Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
