considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
