I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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