So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
