my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
