how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
smell my finger.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
