My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
