God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Randomize
