you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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