actually, I'm a sock model
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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