I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
