i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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