He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
