I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
