hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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