His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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