he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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