She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
