Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
