he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
