no, he came in my armpit
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
