I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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