Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
